Heroine Fix: Rebel Spy, Princess, and General: Let's Look At Leia

Heroine Fix is a monthly feature where I examine heroines who have inspired and influenced my own writing.  I want to take a closer look at why they've become real to me, despite being fictional.  Warning: this post will contain spoilers, including for The Rise of Skywalker.

It's really hard to overestimate the impact that Star Wars had on me.  I don't even remember watching it originally.  It seemed as if I just always knew the story.  Even today, it surprises me when I find someone who hasn't watched it.  I want to talk about Leia Organa, played by the supremely funny and talented Carrie Fisher, and why it has slowly dawned on me that the entire series should have been done from her point of view.

Luke Skywalker is fine and cool.  Han Solo is entertaining and awesome.  But, in my opinion, Leia outclasses them all.  Let's look at her story.  (I'm only looking at what happens in the films.  I realize there's a lot of other material out there as well, but I'm focusing on the 6 movies with her character.)

Buckle up.  This is going to be a long one, celebrating the awesomeness of our Princess-General.

Episode 4: A New Hope

While Luke is wandering around Tatooine and hanging around Tosche Station looking for the power converters, Leia is representing Alderaan in the Imperial Senate, and being a major player in the underground Rebellion.  She receives the secret plans for the Death Star and is on a mission to recruit Obi Wan Kenobi to assist the Rebellion.

When she is caught by Darth Vader and Grand Moff Tarkin, she is defiant.  She puts the plans in R2-D2 and sends him down to Tatooine to find Kenobi.  She fires on the stormtroopers assaulting her ship.  Tarkin confronts her and she snarks back at him without hesitation.  Vader and Tarkin subject her to interrogation but she is too strong willed to surrender the information they seek.  They take the Death Star to Alderaan and threaten to blow the planet if she doesn't tell them where to find the Rebellion.  She meekly tells them "Dantooine" (which is a complete and bold-faced lie, proving that she is one very impressive lady under pressure).  The Empire blows up Alderaan anyway, killing everyone that Leia knows.

I want to take a moment to really examine this moment.  In the movie, the focus is on the evilness of the Empire.  There's no real effort to see Leia's pain.  She's sent back to her interrogation cell to await execution.  I imagine that she must have spent the hours between the destruction of Alderaan and the arrival of the rescue party being devastated.  The reality would have probably taken a long time to sink in.  Humans just aren't equipped to process that scale of loss.  And yet, during those hours, she also found the strength to keep fighting the Empire.

When a random stormtrooper bursts into her cell, she isn't impressed, dismissing him.  When Luke reveals himself, she's cautious.  It isn't until he mentions that he's with Kenobi that she goes with him.  She sees that the rescue is sadly lacking in the "plan" department and takes over, shooting out the garbage chute with cool efficiency.  Inside the garbage dump, she counters Han's impulsive instincts.  Without Leia's decisive action, there is a good chance that none of them would have made it back to the Millennium Falcon.

She is the one that recognizes the Empire allowed them to escape the Death Star.  Although it is not shown, I imagine that she must have argued with Han about going directly back to the Rebellion.  The woman who didn't hesitate to stand toe to toe with Vader and Moff isn't going to balk at confronting a smuggler pilot.  Since Han and Chewie wouldn't have known where to find the Rebellion, she must have eventually told them.  I find myself wondering why.

My theory is that this is a sign of Leia's trauma in this film.  She makes a reckless atypical decision because she needs to get back to the only family she has left: the Rebellion.  The Rebel forces are the only chance she has at avenging her planet's destruction.  So she ignores her instincts and ends up leading the Death Star to the Rebel base on Yavin 4.

During the journey, she takes the time to comfort Luke over the death of Kenobi.  Many people have pointed out that no one seems to even realize that Leia herself would need comfort.  However, I choose to see that as a moment of showing who Leia truly is.  Even though she is in pain, she still reaches out to others.  She is kind and loving, as well as being strong and determined.  She doesn't lose sight of either the big or small scale.

She is curiously absent from the battle.  Again, I would guess that she could well have gone into shock when the Death Star appeared.  I like to think that someone finally realized what she was going through and took care of her.  The next we see of her is when Luke hugs her in celebration at successfully blowing up the Death Star.

At the end of the movie, Leia presides over the medal ceremony in which Luke and Han are awarded medals for their role in the battle of Yavin 4.  (They should have also given one to Chewie.  That's a fact but aside from the point here.)  She takes on the ceremonial role, one she likely did many times as a princess of Alderaan.  She recognizes that the Rebellion cannot survive if all they do is fight.  They need to have moments and symbols of victory or else they would get burned out.  That recognition is what makes her a valuable and potent leader.  Again, I would have liked to have known if she had any moments of doubt about continuing and what got her through them.

Luke is the newcomer to the struggle, which allows him to serve as a stand-in for the audience and have things explained to him.  However, it also would have been narratively possible to explain things from Leia's point of view as someone who suffers incomprehensible personal loss at the hands of the Empire and who chooses to fight back.  Not making her the main character and focus of the series was a choice.

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back

Empire starts with the rebel base on the ice planet of Hoth.  Leia is clearly a leader, managing hundreds of people.  She and Han are obviously at odds.  He taunts her when she tries to recruit him, saying that she only wants him around because he knows she has feelings for him.  I find it interesting that Han is so clearly intimidated by Leia.  He can be respectful with everyone else, but not with her.  His accusations are classic psychological projection, assuming that she feels the way he does.  He unsettles her because he doesn't fit into her expected categories. He's a good guy, but not a hero.  He's a rogue, but has honor.  But even though he is a major pain, she recognizes his good qualities and value to the Rebellion.

I can't talk about Leia's character arc without mentioning the retro-conned incestuous kiss between her and Luke.  Even in the story, it's a clear moment of defiance against Han's pestering (made evident by the way she glares at him as soon as the kiss is done).  And it works!  We can see that Han is thrown completely off his stride by the gesture.

But what I would have liked to see is what was going on with Leia in that moment.  She has taken refuge in the practical.  She's not allowing herself to feel.  I think that's the other reason why Han unsettles her so much.  He's always going on about her feelings, refusing to see her as the leader she is.  It has to have been a confusing and difficult time for her and she doesn't quite seem to know how to handle it.

When the Empire attacks, she manages the evacuation, staying to make sure everyone gets out.  Her escape is cut off, forcing her to flee with Han on the Falcon.  I'm sure it was the last thing she wanted, to be trapped on a small spaceship with the one guy she's been trying to avoid.  Which brings us to the next most controversial moment with Leia and Han, their first kiss.

There's no denying that Han's actions are predatory.  He traps her against the bulkhead, refusing to release her hand when she asks, and insists he knows what she's thinking despite her protests to the contrary.  She slips away as soon as C3P0 distracts him.

Most women have experienced the emotional challenge of having to come to terms with a guy that she likes pushing things too far.  It's confusing and hurtful, often leading to a lack of confidence and questioning oneself.  We never see Leia go through this process, and it would have been a powerful moment for her character.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but when the Falcon lands in Cloud City, Leia's body language is nervous.  She seems to avoid Han's touch while also trying to not look like she's avoiding it.  She is the one who suspects that Lando isn't the ally he claims to be, a concern that Han brushes aside, only to be proven right when Darth Vader shows up at the dinner table.

Once again, she is strangely passive once captured by the Empire.  Or perhaps not that strangely at all, given that the last time she openly defied them, an entire planet paid the price.  But even though she doesn't take direct action, she is watching closely, waiting for an opportunity.

The moment where she breaks free from the stormtroopers to tell Han that she loves him is still a moment that tugs on my heartstrings.  She doesn't quite seem sure about what she feels, but she needs to say it in case this is the last opportunity.  His "I know" in reply leaves her uncertain but also seems to shock her into action.

She resumes her role as leader, guiding Chewie and the droids to escape.  When they run into Lando, it's Leia's decision whether or not to trust him or let Chewie kill him.  The escape is also the first glimmer of Leia being able to use the Force.  She is the one who realizes that Luke is dangling from the antenna and needs them to rescue him.

The movie ends with Leia's determination to fight being renewed.  Unlike the frantic undertone of the initial scenes on Hoth, she moves with calm purpose.  She's become an irresistible force, ready to sweep aside the Empire and rescue Han.

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

Return is my favourite of the original trilogy, perhaps because it was the one I had a bootleg VHS copy of and thus watched over and over.  It begins with the classic Wookie Gambit, pretending to capture Chewie in order to gain access to Jabba the Hutt's palace.  The bounty hunter uses a thermal detonator to successfully negotiate with Jabba.  In the background, we see Lando Calrissian, undercover as one of Jabba's gang.  Then the bounty hunter thaws Han from the carbonite and reveals herself to be Leia.

As a kid, I loved that reveal.  She had obviously set up a whole plan to rescue Han, getting Lando in place and then pretending to deliver Chewie to Jabba.  I thought she was so badass for threatening to blow everyone up if she didn't get the price she wanted, even though she'd already gotten what she needed.

Of course, it doesn't go well.  It turns out that Jabba knew about the rescue and captures Han and Leia.  This is to set up the plot of having them rescued by Luke, but I want to take a moment to explore what Leia must have gone through in these moments.

As a kid, I was grossed out by Jabba licking Leia's face with his slimy tongue, but didn't really think about what happened beyond that.  As an adult, the sequence takes on a horrifying implication, one further solidified by the fact that when we next see Leia, she is wearing the infamous gold bikini and a chain collar.  It's never covered explicitly, but I find it hard to believe that the extent of Jabba's actions are a leer and dressing her in a highly sexualized outfit.

Leia never mentions being assaulted, which is in keeping with how she often keeps her pain to herself.  (Incidentally, I think this stoicism is because Lucas treated her pain as a plot device, never really seeing it as affecting her as a person or character.)  However, if we assume that being private about her trauma is actually a facet of who she is, then it adds extra weight to the few times she does allow herself to react.  When she strangles Jabba with the chains he put on her, I choose to believe that is her moment of striking back for what he'd done to her.  She blows up the ship, even though it's not strictly necessary for the escape, because she wants to burn the location of her humiliation to the ground.

We don't know what happened between the flight from Jabba's palace and the meeting with Mon Mothma to plan to destroy the second Death Star.  Leia is cheerful at the briefing, whispering sardonic comments to Han and gleefully volunteering to be part of the mission to bring down the shield protecting the incomplete planet killer.  She seems unusually free, as if a weight has been removed from her.  Maybe it's because she finally had a chance to fight back against one of the many injustices done to her.

She is separated from the others on the forest moon of Endor, after chasing down a set of scouting stormtroopers on speeder bikes.  She makes contact with the Ewoks, in a scene that I think really shows Leia's true nature.  She recognizes Wicket's nervousness and takes the time to reassure him.

Contrast that with Han's bluster and Luke's panic when they're caught in an Ewok net.  I can't help but think that the reason why Han and Luke end up as potential dinner while Leia is welcomed into the tribe is because she treated the Ewoks as equals from the beginning.

During the night, as they prepare to attack the shield generator in the morning, Luke takes Leia aside and asks her what she remembers of her mother.  This request has to seem weird and out of place.  Other military specialists would have shut him down, telling him to concentrate on the mission.  Leia tells him what she remembers, even though it isn't much and frankly is none of his business (at least from her perspective at this point).  He then drops the bombshell on her, that she is his sister and Darth Vader is their father.

Leia handles the revelation far more calmly than Luke does at the end of Empire.  She accepts it and immediately focuses on protecting Luke, urging him to leave so that Vader cannot sense him.  Luke tells her that he wants to redeem Vader and bring him back to the light.

I can only imagine what happens in Leia's head at that moment.  Back to the light?  Dude tortured me and blew up my planet.  He's personally killed thousands, maybe tens of thousands of people, including the children at the Jedi temple.  And you want to give him a chance to hurt even more of us?  If anyone has a right to protest Vader's redemption arc, it would be Leia.

But she doesn't.  It's important for Luke to try and thus she supports him, even at a cost to herself and the Rebellion as a whole.

Han confronts her a few moments later, accusing her of favouring Luke over him.  She deflects his anger, eventually telling him what she's just learned.  That she and Luke are twins and Han doesn't need to feel jealous.

It marks a turning point in their relationship.  She is confident and knows what she wants from Han.  He can't unsettle her any longer because she's found peace in herself.  His bluster and attitude become cute instead of irritating.  When she flips the infamous "I love you"/"I know" response on him in front of the blast doors of the shield generator, it's playful.  There's no sense of the desperation from Empire's moment.

That's pretty much the end of Leia's arc for the original trilogy.  She has a few more scenes but they're basically solely plot driven.  The focus is on Luke and his final confrontation with the Emperor and Vader.

No one ever asked Leia if she had second thoughts about killing Vader once she learned that he was her father.  Or if she had any emotional reaction to his death.  Vader sacrificed himself to protect Luke but was willing to kill her without hesitation.  That has to have been difficult to come to terms with.

Leia undergoes as much of a hero arc as Luke, but isn't given the narrative time to react emotionally.  We have to guess at what she's experiencing, using the subtle cues in Fisher's superb performance.

Unfortunately, this is a pattern that continues into the sequel trilogy.

Between Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens

We know what must have happened between these two movies.

- Leia begins her Jedi training with Luke.
- She marries Han and has a son with him
- Her son goes to the Dark Side of the Force
- Leia quits the Republic's Senate and goes back to her Rebellion roots, resisting the rise of the First Order
- Han takes off and starts gallivanting around the galaxy with Chewie again

Despite all of this heartache, Leia continues to fight.  Unlike her brother, who goes on permanent Jedi retreat, she digs down and keeps going.  When we first see her in The Force Awakens, she is clearly weary but determined.  She comes to Han's rescue (based on their dialogue and body language, I'd guess it wasn't the first time she'd done it) and organizes the assault on Starkiller base.

The biggest POV injustice is that other than a brief glance, we don't see Leia having to cope with the knowledge that her son kills the love of her life.  Even though she must have been horribly devastated, once again, she pulls it together to offer comfort to someone else, in this case, Rey.

The movie where Leia comes the closest to coming into her own was The Last Jedi.  She gets blasted into space and brings herself back to the ship.  She keeps a close rein on Poe, trying to temper his impulsive instincts toward the grand gesture.  When they're trapped in the crystal caves on Crait, she holds firm to her courage, knowing the others are watching her.

There's a beautiful moment where Luke and Leia talk.  Based on her expression, I think she knows that he's saying goodbye to her.  One more person from her past is gone, and Leia still finds the courage to keep going.

It's no secret that the original plan was for Rise of Skywalker to focus on Leia's goodbye to the franchise.  Unfortunately, Carrie Fisher passed away, forcing the narrative hand.

I think that the original idea was for Leia to be the one who talks Kylo Ren back to the Light on the crashed Death Star.  She would have shown Rey and Kylo that fighting each other isn't what the Force wants.  (Though, full disclosure, I am not a Reylo fan.  The two of them have a brother-sister vibe in my opinion.)

I loved the scenes of Leia training Rey, teaching her to connect to the Jedi of old.  That's the powerful message of the sequel trilogy for me, that we are more powerful when we connect than when we seek to tear each other apart or keep one another down.  Whenever the characters work together, things go much better than when they are fighting each other.

Leia was a Jedi who mastered love, compassion, and protecting those under her care.  She suffered huge, devastating losses, probably more than anyone else in the series.  And she never gave in to darkness or despair.  From what we see, she was never even tempted by the Dark Side.  That makes her a fascinating character to me and one of my favourite Heroine Fixes.

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Previous Heroine Fix: Bluffing with Molly Bloom, looking at the differences between the book and movie for Molly's Game.

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Heroine Fix: Samantha/Charlie from The Long Kiss Goodnight

Each month I focus on a well-written heroine who inspire and influences my own writing.  What can I say?  I'm addicted to awesome heroines!  You can check out all of my Heroine Fixes to learn about some amazing characters.  Warning: this post will contain spoilers.

It's the holiday season, which means it's time for classic feel-good movies that celebrate family, personal growth, and high yield explosions.  

Okay, that last one may just be me, but I love holiday action movies, and one of my favourites is The Long Kiss Goodnight with Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson.  Geena Davis plays Samantha, a woman who woke up with no memories of her past life.  For eight years, she's been living a quiet life in a small town, raising her daughter, and hiring private investigators to try and find out who she once was.  She appears on television and is spotted by a man in prison, who recognizes her and breaks out to try and kill her.

Samantha discovers that she is a major badass and begins getting flashbacks of her life as a contract killer names Charlie.  She and the private investigator (Jackson) keep going deeper and deeper, uncovering an active plot to explode a government facility in order to fund a black-ops government agency.

The duality of the character fascinates me.  With these kinds of stories, it's rare to find that both personalities are well developed.  In this case, both Charlie (the assassin) and Samantha (the mother) are fully fledged.  Samantha is kind and patient, with a quirky sense of humour, making jokes about forgetting her way to the kitchen and trading teasing quips with her fiancee about her lack of cooking skills.  Charlie is quick-witted and observant, a woman who never admits defeat and never gives up.  Even when strapped to a water wheel, she continues to fight.

One scene in particular stuck with me.  Davis has regained all of her memories, becoming Charlie.  She cuts off her hair and dyes it blonde, regaining her appearance before the accident that took her memories.  She starts to seduce Jackson, who stops her, telling her that he believes she wants to sleep with him to destroy the other part of herself.  He tells her that he had a lot of respect for Samantha and doesn't think she deserves to be tossed aside like trash.

The performance is impressive.  We can see Charlie struggling because Samantha is a part of her.  The two don't have to be in competition.  Being a loving mother doesn't mean weakness and being a kickass assassin doesn't mean having to be alone.  

I think that's why this movie has been one of my perennial rewatches.  Davis doesn't have to make a choice between Samantha or Charlie.  She gets to have the best aspects of both.  Too often, women are presented with choices that seem to cut off pieces of themselves.  How many movies center around a conflict of choosing the career/promotion or love?  Holiday movies especially seem to use the "what you thought you wanted means less than family/love/tradition" trope.

Charlie is darn good at her job, one of the best.  But there was a part of her that wanted a "normal" life, with a chance at love and family.  When her memory was lost, she had a chance to experience that.  For eight years, she lived as Samantha.  Except Samantha wanted to know where she came from and how to make sense of the memory fragments she did have.  But she didn't want to give up her life and her daughter.  Both Charlie and Samantha get what they wanted and discover that together they are far cooler than they ever imagined they could be.

And that's the kind of holiday story that I enjoy.

Previous Heroine Fix: The Girl Gang of Ocean's 8

Previous Post: Reclaiming My HEA: Being Open To Possibilities

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Heroine Fix: Ocean's 8's Awesome Girl Gang

Each month I focus on a well-written heroine who inspires and influences my own writing.  What can I say?  I'm addicted to awesome heroines!  You can check out all of my Heroine Fixes to see some amazing characters.  Warning: this post will contain spoilers.

This month I asked myself a question: why do I love movies about thieves so much?  There's only so much blame I can place on Kevin Costner and Christian Slater in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.  I think there's a certain level of admiration for the audacity and skill it takes for a successful non-violent heist.  We admire people who defy the rules successfully.

I think that's the reason I love the Ocean's series.  A complicated scheme full of misdirection and false leads, it's like a magic trick that ends up with people getting rich.  But as much as I enjoy the Brad Pitt and George Clooney versions, it's the Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett movie that I've watched dozens of times over.

If you follow my blog, you know I love awesome heroines.  This movie has an amazing set of heroines and it's how they interact and play off one another that makes this one of my favourites.  All female ensemble movies are still rare and seen as a risk.  This one takes eight unique and interesting characters and puts them all together in the heist of a lifetime.

First up is Debbie, sister to George Clooney's character and played by Sandra Bullock.  She's the brains and balls behind the whole operation.  She's not content with petty cons and day to day theft.  Fresh out of jail, she wants to be one of the big names in crime.  Her first recruit is her best friend, Lou (Cate Blanchett), a more practical individual who manages people and logistics well.  The dynamic between the two of them is brilliant.  The film captures the easy combination of support and challenge that happens between two women who can trust one another and have a long history of having each other's backs.

The rest of the team is equally fascinating.  Rose Weil (Helena Bonham Carter) is a washed up fashion designer with a pressing tax issue.  Easily distracted with an impulse control issue, she is the key to the team gaining access to their target, a $150 million dollar diamond necklace.  A jewel heist needs a great jewelry expert and in steps Amita (Mindy Kaling), who is more than ready to move out from under her mother's thumb and the skills to transform the necklace into something less... recognizable.  Rose and Amita make a great team.  Amita is able to improvise around Rose's blatherings and Rose is capable of some impressive last-minute bullshitting.  The two of them convince Cartier to loan out the necklace for the Met Gala.

Every heist needs a hacker and a pickpocket.  Nine Ball (Rihanna) and Constance (Awkwafina) fill those roles.  Nine Ball is arrogant and confident.  She and Debbie butt heads, as two proud alphas are wont to do.

Constance is quirky and not easily impressed, competent but not inclined to fuss over a job.  The final team member is Tammy (Sarah Paulson), the team's fence and procurer.  I think she's my favourite, because I always love a suburban mom with a secret life.  There are hints of a past between her and Debbie, one that hasn't always been smooth.

Those counting will realize there are only seven team members so far.  The final member of the team is their mark, the celebrity Daphne Kluger (Anne Hathaway).  She will be the unwitting mule for the necklace and the main distraction.

Since plenty of ensemble movies only have one female main character, we often get deprived of the fun of women interacting with one another.  There's a whole language of shared sisterhood, amusement over the foibles and challenges of the world, and the pleasure of mutual delight over pretty clothes and jewels.  We can be smart, competent and glamorous, all at the same time.  And as much as women can tear each other down, we can also build each other up in a way that men simply don't experience.  Women know the truth of Debbie Ocean's statement that "a him gets noticed, a her gets ignored."  And we cheer when the ignored manage to turn the tables on the society that overlooks our accomplishments.

Maybe that's why women bond more easily and more often than men.  Life as a woman is too big of a challenge to manage completely on one's own.  We need our friends, the ones who become like sisters.  Our friendship support networks can be incredible resources.  And when we work together, we really can do amazing things.  (Legal disclaimer: please stick to amazing legal things, no matter how cool a jewel heist seems.)

Ocean's 8 inspired me to want to write about my own little girl gang.  Not jewel thieves but friends running a cosplay business together.

Every woman should get to experience the combined thrill of achievement and looking amazing that the Ocean's 8 gang gets, walking out of the Met Gala in stunning dresses with millions of dollars in diamonds.  That's moment I watch this movie for.  They're all confident and beautiful, and together they've done what should have been impossible.

Just before the heist, Debbie thanks her crew.  "I just wanna say: thank you.  The last three weeks have been amazing for me... whatever happens tonight, I want you to remember one thing.  You are not doing this for me, you are not doing this for you.  Somewhere out there is an eight year old girl, lying in bed, dreaming of being a criminal.  Let's do this for her."

Every girl should believe she can achieve her dreams, no matter what they are.  Stories about strong and interesting women help us to remember that.  Stories that end in a happily ever after are even better.  The women of Ocean's 8 don't find romance, but they do get the necklace, along with the other crown jewels, and they pin the whole thing on the man who broke Debbie's trust and sent her to jail.  

With a take of $38.3 million each, each woman gets a shot at her dreams.  Amita finds love and freedom in Paris.  Rose opens her own shop in London.  Tammy's garage business moves to a proper warehouse.  Nine Ball opens a pool hall and bar.  Constance gets an amazing loft apartment.  Daphne moves from the front of the camera to directing.  Lou gets her motorcycle and a cross country trip.  And Debbie gets the satisfaction of proving herself.

Maybe that's why I love these kinds of movies.  The idea of a big win, one that frees from the daily worries about money, one that makes all the "I wish"es possible, that's satisfying, no matter how it comes about.

Even without a romance plot, I call that a darn happy ending.

Previous Heroine Fix: Making a Better World With Delenn from Babylon 5

Previous Post: Reclaiming My HEA: Reigniting the Romantic Spark

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Reclaiming My HEA: Reigniting Romantic Hope

Reclaiming My HEA is a regular feature about my separation and divorce.  I'm learning a lot of lessons about myself and finding the balance between romantic hope and practical reality.

As I write this, I'm sitting on a beach with the warm sunshine in my face and my toes curled in the soft sand.  For any Canadian in November, this is already an unexpected and welcome treat, but what's drawing my attention are the other people on the beach.  Particularly the couples.

There are all kinds to watch here.  Young teenagers playfully navigating their first romantic relationships.  Parents working together to corral their children.  And the sweetest of all, an elderly couple walking hand in hand, where he keeps pausing to present her with the prettiest shells on the beach and she's saving every one in her handbag.

Some of these couples are obviously deeply in love with one another.  Others are caught up in the thrill of holiday freedom and enjoying a little commitment-free flirting.  Some seem to have settled into a comfortable partnership but still take a moment for a shared glance or passing touch.

I'm sure there are unhappy couples here as well.  Ones where it seems impossible for them to remember what drew them together in the first place or where the day-to-day grind has extinguished their connection.  I've been half of one of those couples.  I would look around and see people in love all around me and I would wonder what I was doing wrong and why my relationship had become so empty.

Now I find myself in the position of being entirely outside the romantic circle, looking in as an observer.  Dating in your forties is a daunting prospect and there are legions of toads out there which no amount of kissing will transform into a prince.  I've had to take stock of myself and ask myself the question: what is it that I really want?

Then as I was people-watching, I saw something which clarified it for me.  A younger couple (I would guess late twenties or early thirties) standing in a close embrace.  I couldn't see her face, but I could see his.  The expression on his face would be hard to describe, but as a romance author, I will give it my best shot.

His hand was cradling her face as if she were something unbelievably precious and rare.  He had a tender smile, as if this moment was making him happier than he'd ever believed would be possible.  And his eyes were smoldering with full-blazing passion.  Anyone whose partner was looking at them like that couldn't help but feel like the most beautiful, special, and loved person in the world.

Being a non-voyeuristic sort of person, I snuck away before they realized I had seen their private moment.  But the image lingered with me.

That's what I want.  I want to experience being on the receiving end of a look like that.  Because I find it impossible to believe that anyone could fake such a potent combination of affection, attraction, and passion.

There have been times when I've cynically wondered if those kinds of feelings ever occur outside the carefully scripted world of movies and books.  But now I've had a reminder that they do.  And that has given my little flame of hope a fresh spark.

Romance is all about tiny sparks in the darkness.  Because in our stories, no matter how black the night is, those sparks are just waiting to find the right circumstances to create the fires that will warm a heart forever.

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Taking On Different Threats: Creating My Villain For Deadly Potential

First off, allow me a moment of undignified excitement that my first novel with Soul Mate Publishing is going to be released on October 23rd!  This is my first book with a small press and I'm really looking forward to getting to share it with my readers.

Putting Deadly Potential together was an interesting process for me.  I've spoken in a previous blog post about how I began with two ideas: a serial killer who could make his victims forget that he was in the room and a twisted version of Cinderella where the stepsisters team up to defeat the bad guy.

But there was something else I wanted to do with this novel, too.  I am a huge fan of suspense, thrillers, and police procedurals.  Criminal Minds, the Law and Order collective, and pretty much every other series that involves people solving mysteries and putting criminals behind bars is guaranteed to have my viewing attention.  I adore reading true crime books, watching documentaries, and have forced my family to play far too many rounds of Clue and Scotland Yard.

Despite all of this, there is a common element of the suspense genre that bothers me: the threat of sexual violence used as a tension booster.

I go back and forth on this issue.  On the one hand, sexual violence is a real danger and a depressingly common one.  Most women have experienced being the subject of unwelcome touching, often with the implied or explicit threat of violence.  It is something that we are constantly aware of and evaluating the risk of.  Most women take regular precautions against assault and the fear of it dictates many of of our choices.  That reality deserves to be respected and should not be dismissed or silenced.

On the other hand, I'm not entirely comfortable with rape or other sexualized violence being the go-to threat for a female character.  (And for a male character, it's often the threat of rape against a female loved one.)  I recognize that it can be very upsetting for anyone who has experienced assault (and as I stated previously, that is a large proportion of the general population) and even for those who haven't, it can reinforce the sense of a lack of safety in the world.

So for Deadly Potential, I made the decision that my villain would be a serial killer, but not be a sexual sadist.  It has been cited over and over that rape is not about sex, it is an exercise of power over another person.  My fictional serial killer, The Director, only cares about having power and control over his targets.  They are living dolls to him, which he can use to create his "artistic vision" and remake them into what he wants them to be.

He is dangerous and sadistic, with no empathy or compassion.  It wasn't necessary to add a threat of rape.  Instead, I concentrated on The Director's psychic ability to cause people to overlook his presence (based on our real world tendency to fill in much of what we think we're "seeing' from memory) and his ability to make people forget him even if they have noticed him (based on how our brains create memories: if something interrupts the transfer of short term memory to long term memory, that moment will be forgotten completely).

With those two elements in place, my villain came to life.  I decided that he wouldn't be able to control his abilities, which meant he was forgotten and abandoned early on in his life.  The complete isolation would make him more likely to be sociopathic and violent.  The only way others would be able to remember him would be through an intermediary, such as a phone or computer.  From there, it seemed natural that he would become obsessed with the idea of legacy and being remembered.

That obsession would drive his modus operandi.  He chooses his targets based on their "failures" and then kidnaps them.  Once they are in his power, he kills them and then arranges their bodies in elaborate tableaus, creating "successes" that he takes credit for.  Sadly, to me this seems like only a small extension of how women are often seen as interchangeable ornaments and their personal integrity is often seen as optional.

In this case, The Director targets my heroine, Katie Ballard.  He sees her as unsuccessful because she has not used her talents at songwriting and performing to become a star in her own right.  He ignores the fact that she is happier outside of the spotlight and perfectly willing to support her stepsister's career as the Princess of Pop.  He assumes that his opinion of what she should do with her life is more valid than her own.

Of course, my hero, Ben Morgan, isn't about to let The Director get another notch in his belt, particularly not when he realizes what an amazing, brilliant, and competent woman that Katie is.  And Katie is not about to let some random stranger use fear to force her into doing what he wants her to do.

I think that this story is still super-exciting and suspenseful and I hope the readers agree.  I love stories of adventure and romance, with lots of danger and thrills, especially if they have a twist of weirdness (which is why I write paranormal romantic suspense).

Thanks for giving me and my weird brain a try!

Previous post: Heroine Fix: The Elegant and Kind Delenn (Babylon 5), showing us a different way to be strong.

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Heroine Fix: Making A Better World With Delenn of Babylon 5

Each month, I focus on a well-written heroine who inspires and influences my own writing.  What can I say?  I'm addicted to awesome heroines.  You can check out all of my Heroine Fixes to see some amazing characters.  Warning: this post will contain spoilers.

For the last couple of months, I've been introducing my son to one of my all-time favourite shows, Babylon 5.  I was a little worried at first, 25 year old shows haven't always aged well, but this one is one of the exceptions.  When I first saw the ads, I thought B5 was a cool concept: a diplomatic center that could serve as a neutral place for different species to work out their differences.  Otherwise, it seemed like any other sci-fi show.  Space ships - check.  Aliens - check.  Earth in a surprisingly predominant political and military position among a multi-planetary government - check.

Then I started watching and discovered that not all was as it initially seemed.  The character arcs were incredible.  The ambassador for the war-like race became a spiritual leader and spokesperson for peace.  The ambassador who was the drunken gambler went down a dark path into genocide and then made the only choice he had left for redemption, even though it condemned him to a living hell.

The one that still impresses me is Delenn, once of the Grey Council (the ruling body of her culture) and ambassador to Babylon 5.  Played by the talent Mira Furlan, she was dignified, resourceful, and showed a kind of strength that one doesn't often see in female characters.  She wasn't a martial warrior, or an encyclopedic exposition device.  Her strength was in her quiet determination to do what is right, to convince others to take up her cause, and in her willingness to take a leap into the unknown.  Because faith manages.

This is a woman who went into a confined area with hundreds of critically ill and potentially infectious people, so that she could offer them comfort as they died.  Who dragged belligerent representatives to the diplomatic table in an effort to avoid bloodshed.  Who transformed herself genetically to become a bridge between her own race, the Minbari, and the humans.  She arranged for the creation of a fleet of star ships to fight an ancient enemy, one determined to sow chaos and anarchy.  And she did it all with a sense of humour and unmatchable grace.

Often, soft spoken and kind women in fiction don't have long lives.  Their kindness leaves them vulnerable to bad guys, or they are broken down by outside events.  Their memory and example might inspires other to fight, but they don't do battle directly.  While Delenn's first choice is diplomacy, she is not afraid of conflict.  One of my favourite scenes is this one, where she faces a potential attack with poise, refusing to pretend to be intimidated.

 Warship: Do not force us to engage your ships!

Delenn (conveying a perfect mixture of annoyance and amusement): 

Why not?  Only one captain has ever survived an encounter with a Minbari fleet.  

He is behind me.  
You are in front of me.  

If you value your lives, be somewhere else.

This moment was a key point in Delenn's character arc.  In the early part of the series, we learn that 10 years before Babylon 5, Delenn was the deciding vote in whether or not to go to war against the humans.  Devastated with grief at the death of her mentor, she screamed to "Kill them all" and then spent the entire war quietly regretting that decision.  When the Minbari fleet was on the verge of wiping out the human species, she discovered that humans and Minbari shared souls and that eliminating them would destroy the Minbari as well.

She had the courage to correct her mistake, ordering the Minbari to immediately surrender to the besieged planet Earth.  She dedicated her life to making sure that mistake was never repeated but did not excuse her actions or allow her guilt to restrict her choices.  A traditional male hero who had made such a horrific error would have been discovered hiding in some isolated retreat after a decade of hermitage.  Delenn did not withdraw from the world.  Instead she had the strength to work to make the world better.  And she made those around her better as well.

Her aide put it beautifully, that in Delenn's world, we are all better than we truly are.  She strove to bring out the best in others, rather than dismissing them as hopeless.

She also got to fall in love (which I heartily approve of as a romance author).  Her partner, Captain John Sheridan, respected her and never put her down in order to build himself up.  He went through all of her rituals, even when they made no sense to him, because he recognized that they were important to her.  Love didn't mean she stepped down from her position, or became the damsel in distress.  It didn't diminish her strength.  It made her stronger because she had someone else that she could rely on.

Like I said, that's not a kind of strength that we see depicted often in fiction.  The strength that trusts in itself but doesn't need to prove itself or bolster its owner's ego.  Strength that can allow itself to be vulnerable.  Strength that gets back up after every setback and continues to do what is right and necessary.  That strength was something I've striven to imbue in my own heroines, particularly Lily (Metamorphosis) and Martha (Judgment).

A few years ago, I was lucky enough to meet Mira Furlan at Ottawa Comic Con.  She was just as funny and gracious as her character.  At the time, I had a half-finished Delenn cosplay costume in my closet, and I was disappointed that I couldn't finish it in time to wear.  A few months ago, I pulled it out and got back to work on it.  Because that's the lesson Delenn teaches us, that it's never too late to do what's right.  Or to make the dreams in our hearts come true.

Previous Heroine Fix: Striking the Right Note with Sophie of Music and Lyrics

Previous post: Reclaiming My HEA and My Intellectual Property Rights

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Heroine Fix: Striking The Right Note With Sophie (Music and Lyrics)

Each month, I focus on a well-written heroine who inspires and influences my own writing.  What can I say, I'm addicted to awesome heroines.  You can check out all of my Heroine Fixes to see some amazing characters.  Warning: This post will contain spoilers.

This month, I went back to an old favourite, 2007's Music and Lyrics, starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore.  It's a romantic comedy about a former eighties pop star and the dedicated, idealistic woman who helps to drag him away from dreaming about the past.  It's got a sweet, well-written plot and a fantastic soundtrack of songs that I still listen to over a decade later.

I love stories that include music.  My DVD library is full of musicals, and I grew up during the "soundtracks are just as important as the film" movies, like Footloose, Dirty Dancing, and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.  That's probably why the heroine for my latest novel is a singer-songwriter.  But as I went back to watch Music and Lyrics, I was surprised to remember how strong Sophie's (Drew Barrymore's) character was.  And frankly, how supportive Alex's (Hugh Grant's) character was.

Most romantic comedies seem to center around having the woman prove to the man that she is in fact capable at her job (like The Ugly Truth, for example), or having the woman decide that her career isn't as important as the man of her dreams (Kate and Leopold).  It's something that bothers me and has made me skeptical of the genre.  But it doesn't happen in Music and Lyrics.

Sophie is talented at putting together words into rhyme and meter (which is much harder than you think.  Try coming up for new lyrics to fit Mary Had A Little Lamb and you'll see).  But she's been creatively burned, so she is reluctant to try again.  Alex is very persistent, going to visit her at work and inviting her to see him perform.  Each time she doubts herself, he immediately tells her that she has impressive skills.  He convinces her to give writing a song a try.  He will provide the melody, and she will create the words.

The conflict arises between their approaches to the music industry (and life in general).  Alex has been hired to write a song for a pop music superstar, Cora, called A Way Back Into Love (based on her tragic breakup with her boyfriend after **two** whole months of a relationship).  He is focused on creating whatever Cora will want to record.  He treats this as a job where the customer's requirements are more important than the promptings of his inner muse.

Sophie, on the other hand, is idealistic.  She believes in making things "right" and things are either right or they're not.  She argues with the superstar when Cora wants to add a faux-Indian hip-hop opening to their song.  When Cora refuses, she demands that Alex change Cora's mind.  He refuses and she accuses him of selling out, launching us into the black moment.  (They reconcile before the end, I promise.)

The other part of Music and Lyrics that I find refreshing is the relationship between Sophie and her sister Rhonda.  Rhonda was a huge fan of Alex's, back when he was a pop superstar in his own right.  It would have been narratively easy to set up their relationship as one of competition, pitting them against each other.  Instead, the two of them are friends.  Rhonda genuinely cares about her little sister, and is excited for her when Sophie and Alex start dating.  That kind of supportive female friendship is too rare in fiction, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to have a supportive pair of sisters in Deadly Potential.

When I first watched the movie, I didn't like that Sophie didn't successfully challenge the jerk of a professor who had a relationship with her while she was his student (not telling her about his fiancee), used their relationship as the basis for a novel, casting Sophie as a narcissistic villain, and undermined her creative confidence by claiming all of her work was a slavish copy of other great minds.  She has an opportunity, but she stammers and flubs her way through it.  It leaves her even more humiliated.

But watching it again, I realized that this is actually one of the movie's strengths.  Because her strength doesn't depend on a flawless confrontation.  She can be amazing and awesome without ever having to deal with a man who has hurt her over and over again (and who frankly wouldn't be changed by a confrontation anyway).  Her moment comes from denying him any further power over her actions and choices.  It's cutting him off that is the key to breaking his hold, and once she does that, she can be free to find her new place in the world and accept love.

Sophie doesn't have superpowers, or martial arts skills, or any of the bonuses that many of my Heroine Fixes do.  She's facing a problem that most of us have dealt with, an ex who broke our spirits and confidence.  And she succeeds in a way that any of us can follow, by giving herself a chance to pursue something that she enjoys and is good at.  That's inspiring and is exactly the song that I'm ready to march to.

Keep reading to learn more about Deadly Potential and find out some of the other awesome things that you can find on my website.

When Katie first began receiving the letters, she thought they were just odd fan mail.  That sort of thing happens when your sister is the Princess of Pop.  But Ben recognizes the notes as the signature of The Director, a stalker-serial killer who is suspected of having psychic abilities that have helped him to evade capture for a decade.  He'll need all of his skills as a Special Investigator to keep Katie alive, but it's going to be difficult when he's distracted by falling in love with her.

Deadly Potential, available for pre-order now and releasing on October 23!

You can also look at last month's Heroine Fix: the brilliant and brave Dr. Ellie Arroway from Contact.  Or join me next month on October 10th for next month's fix.

Previous post: a new and personal monthly feature: Reclaiming My HEA

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