Last year, I separated from my husband of nearly 20 years. It was a difficult decision but we'd reached a point where the things we wanted from our relationship were no longer compatible.
It put me in a difficult position. Obviously, I wasn't in the best frame of mind to be writing romance and couples falling in love. There were points where it was actually painful to read and write my favourite genre, because it hurt to see couples overcoming immense differences when my own relationship was falling apart over things which seemed eminently more fixable that the fictional obstacles, if only both partners had been willing to make that effort.
But at the same time, romance kept me from becoming bitter and angry. Every time I did read a romance, I was reminded of the central premise behind the entire genre: that there is always a chance at love, no matter how bad things seem at any given moment.
Life is not solely a series of battering events where one can only aim for survival. There are wonderful moments, too. And any person, no matter how difficult their life has been, can find themselves living a life better than they ever dreamed. Romance gives us the stories that keep us going.
Through the support of my friends and my stories, I came to see my decision to separate not as a sign that I had failed at love, but rather as one of my self-worth. That I didn't (and indeed shouldn't) need to accept a relationship that made me feel like less than I truly was. I hadn't failed, I had re-opened the opportunity for my own happily-ever-after.
I don't know what the future has in store. I'm well aware that the odds are against me, but that no longer frightens me as it once did. The act of creating room for hope has made me happier.
I'd like to share this journey with you, my readers. It's a scary new world, but isn't that where all of our favourite stories start?
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