I think all of us have the little voice inside that says: it's better not to try because if you try and fail, then you'll really look stupid. The loudness and persistence of that voice varies from person to person. Mine is a whisperer but it never has to take a holiday, which has added an extra level of difficulty to trying to make a writing career work.
I thought I had reasonable expectations, but I also joined the writing market during a transitional period, which meant that things did not go as expected and I was faced with a much sharper learning curve than I had anticipated. Which only made the little voice louder.
I haven't had as much support as I would have liked from those around me. (And before anyone's feelings get hurt, I have many awesome and wonderful friends and colleagues who have been amazingly supportive and great cheerleaders... this part isn't about them but the next part will be.) I've had people close to me dismiss my stories as garbage because of their genre, deride my sales levels as pathetic, and tell me that I am causing harm to my family with my insistence on pursuing this dream when it is clearly not going to work out. Those people made the voice even louder.
As I mentioned earlier, I'm lucky to also have many great people around me who have supported me and who remind me that this is a process and give me the strength to keep going. I'm eternally grateful to all of them and can't thank them enough, but like many people, it's much easier to believe the bad than it is to accept the good. Still, their voices help to keep my little voice from getting louder.
This is one of the reasons why I think it's critical to have a supportive writing group, one that is honest about its members' own struggles and that is willing to cheer instead of deride. ORWA has been that for me and I'm not exaggerating when I say that I would not be this far without them.
But I can't always rely on external cheerleaders to drown out my little voice of doubt. I also needed to find ways to do it on my own. I keep a journal of accomplishments, both big and small: being asked to speak at conferences, points where I completed my writing goals, and most importantly, a reminder that I am doing what I set out to do: I have stories out there and there are people who enjoy those stories, including complete strangers who have no reason to be "nice" to me. I use those reminders to counteract the little voice and tune it down to a dull whisper.
Maybe someday, I'll get that little voice to shut up completely. But even if I don't, I've already achieved the greatest hurdle. I didn't let that voice stop me from giving my dream a try. And if I don't succeed, then, yes, I'll probably look stupid. But there are worse consequences in life, like constantly wishing I had the courage to try.
This is a big reason about why I love romance. The happily ever after is reassuring but most of the actual story is about people, particularly women, having the courage to try. There are usually huge obstacles lined up against them and there are tons of voices, both big and small, telling them to play it safe and not risk it. But they do. They gamble everything on the chance at happiness rather than accepting the status quo. They take a chance to thrive rather than just survive.
And that's what I've done and that's why I'll continue to toss the dice and bet on hope.
If you'd like to support my writing dream (and haven't already done so), you can pick up Book 1 in my series, Revelations, for less than the price of a cup of coffee. It's about a secret society of superheroes, where a burlesque dancer with superstrength teams up with a child therapist who can read emotions and memories through touch and together they struggle to save their loved ones from an evil corporation who is collecting people with supernatural abilities.
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