Past the Mirror: Writing Updates and Blog: Making Mistakes

I'll start by recusing myself. I was raised as a perfectionist and despite my best efforts to change my thinking, it still bugs the heck out of me to make mistakes. As part of my efforts to change, I've spent a lot of time thinking about mistakes and what they mean. But I've also spent a lot of time thinking about how people react to other people's mistakes.

Mistakes are what happen when people take risks. By definition, we never know what the results will be when we take risks. It will always be a gamble. But sometimes risks are the only option for success, because we don't want the results of the safe and predictable paths.

Taking risks is hard when someone has been raised to always be 100 % successful at all endeavors. It's literally always impossible to always succeed if a person is trying new things. We should encourage people to try and offer them support when they fail as well as celebrate when they succeed.

Good try on that heist. Maybe you'll do better in the sequel.

But often people aren't supportive about mistakes. (And to be clear here, I'm talking about situations where things haven't worked out as hoped or unintended errors, not malicious attempts at harm or deliberate carelessness.) There can be a lot anger and blame, both of which can be extremely discouraging. It's hard to take a chance when it feels like failure will always be the only thing that people remember.

I've found myself wondering where the line should be drawn. Obviously, people should acknowledge their mistakes, particularly if those mistakes have real costs to themselves and others. But after the mistakes have been acknowledged, then is it reasonable to expect that they will no longer be the first things brought up? Or should the damage continue to be acknowledged?

I don't have an answer to that. I guess it all depends on the circumstances. If those injured don't feel that the harm has been truly recognized, then that's a reason to continue to bring up the mistake. If there's a concern that the mistake will be repeated, then that's another reason to keep it front and center.

But I think it's also important to recognize a person's attempts to make amends. Too many reminders can crush their spirits, particularly if they genuinely do recognize their mistakes and want to make them better.

It's not easy for me to acknowledge when I've made mistakes, but I'm getting better at it. And part of that is recognizing when I need to be gentler with others and when it's necessary to fight to the ground.